Angel of The South: A Southern Belle's Tale

To never let you be the deciding factor of my happiness.

To never let you see just how much you hurt me.

To never let anyone know how much of my strength is just pretend.

To never let them see me cry, even if it’s all I want to do.

To never let you make me feel like I’m not good enough.

To never let myself lose sight of who I am again.

Because I’m convinced we keep getting thrown back together for a reason. Because you fill something in me without making me need you. Because it’s not ‘i love you’ but it’s ‘I want you to be here’. Because I don’t have to pretend with you. Because you know who I am and what I want. Because you give me what I need even when I don’t know I need it. Because I don’t have to expect that you’ll always be here. Because it’s about fulfilling each other for now and not about later. Because I know what I’m getting into from the start. Because we were destined by fate to be each others soul mate.

I miss you. I love you. None of that has or will change.

-Morgie

If I promise that even once I’m attached that I won’t cry when you leave… Then will you just be with me, for now. I’m just so tired of being alone, I have such a big heart that wants only to love and love deeply. I want to be able to give all of me even if I am getting nothing in return. I want to almost feel whole even if it’s holo. I just want to be able to say I love you, even when I won’t hear it back. That’s all ok with me. I know it’s not always forever that there will be those that will walk in and out of my life. But I want to just have what is in this moment. To live as if there is no tomorrow to worry for, to just give it all up with no expectations. That’s the kind of love and care I have to offer that requires no reciprocation. Because I don’t even expect it any longer, because I have hope but not surreality. The love of a realistic dreaming idealist, the love of a southern belle without the notions of grandeur. Just something for me and whatever comes after.

I want this cookbook!

give you all of me if you just asked.

You know I can’t help how fragile I am. I can’t help that I have this strong facade to cover up that I’m porcelain. I can’t keep up. I can’t have this pain continue. I overwhelms me and I am already always tired. So tired. What I do takes so much effort and motivation on my part. So much mental effort to make it physical. Leaving me drained. Why can’t you see my reality? Why can’t you see this depression that surrounds me? Why must I continue alone in my despair? Why must I justify that you care?

Is essential if you want to have meaningful relationships.

Can I just tell you that I’ve only ever felt special with you? That you have put me through hell and back but I still can’t stop being sweet to you. That there has been no one who has ever made me so vulnerable and safe at the same time. That you are precious to me no matter what our relationship is. I don’t care if you want to love me or if you just want to be my friend. As long as I can lean on you I’m fine and as long as I can talk to you I’m happy.

My life in the South, the home of my heart and soul. I am no angel of my own accord, and a belle by birth.


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